My very own blog... :)

Auudhubillaahi minash-shayttaanir rajiim. Bismillaahir rahmaanir rahiim.

Assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaahi ta'ala wa barakatuhu.

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I am really excited about this blogging thing. I actually got the idea and was inspired by my new "object of admiration," Ala Paredes. Hey, don't get me wrong here. I'm no lesbo or anything, but this girl is totally something. Her writing makes me laugh and wonder about life- my life. You see, much as she wants to project or show that life- her life isn't that special or that her life is like this or like that, the "screw you all, I have an angst-filled life" sort of thing, I can't help but feel that she actually has a close to perfect life. I mean, just look at how her family, studies and career seem to fall just in the right place at all times. Yes, it's really true that one does not really know what is happiness unless s/he feels what it is to be sad, to be hurt.

I admire this girl because she writes from the heart. I mean, she writes whatever she thinks, whatever she wants. She is not afraid to show or announce to whoever is reading what she really feels and thinks. Others may not like what she says or what she writes, who cares! It's her life. It's the freedom, the free flow of her ideas that I like, the straight-forwardness. She just writes and writes and you feel like you know her, like you're a part of her world... You feel like she's in front of you whining, shrieking with glee, crying, throwing a tantrum. And, most important of all, she does all these without so much effort. She was born with a natural talent for writing. She transforms paper (or should I say monitor?) into a picture of a sea of different creatures. She paints pictures with words without trying too hard. So what if the picture is blurry? So what if the picture is too dark or too light? Who cares?! It's her picture anyway, and if you don't want to give the picture even a glance, so be it! Who the f*ck cares?!

This is how I picture Ala's mind, how she writes. With more practice and training (for practice makes perfect), she will, one day, be a great painter of words. Oh, and she paints real pictures, too. A great writer in the making. I hope that she never tires of writing and that the day will come that she writes for a much larger audience.

Okay, I guess that is enough about Ala. Well, it's but natural that I write about her in my first entry because, as I have said, she was my inspiration in making a blog of my own. That would mean that she is, in a way, my muse. Hehe:) Oh, and let's add the fact that before I read her blog, I wouldn't have known what a frickin' blog was! Now, don't I owe her a lot?

I'm really happy about this blogging thing mainly because now I have found something where I can just pour everything out on. I could write whatever I want to write and what I may normally be afraid of writing without caring and without the fear of being judged. That's one of my fears and that causes me lots of heartaches (figurative and literal). Well, that is because it really hurts when you think of something and you want to write about it, but you can't because you are afraid that someone may read it and may just think what a frickin' distorted humanoid you are! I love writing journals, but sometimes it freaks me out to think that someone might actually read them and might just have a piece of who I really am. What if s/he doesn't like what s/he sees? I am just such a chicken when it comes to rejection. This is why I never, ever, submit my "thoughts on paper", for fear I might be judged and not be accepted.

But, reading Ala changed that for me! So,who cares if I think this?! It's me who's thinking anyway. And, who am I thinking for anyway? I know that our culture and society make us think the way we do. But, in my case, I think it's gone overboard! Why? Because, man, even my innermost thoughts, I am afraid to disclose or I am afraid to even entertain because of all the confounded ideas I have accumulated through age!

I want to be the person of my own! I want to be the captain not only of my soul, but of my thoughts, of my life, of every single thing that's mine! I want to be the person that I want to be, the person that I should be. I want to be free! And, with this blog, I begin my quest to freedom! :)