Bokelo...


Bokelo… This is the Meranao word for “lazy” or someone who “masters the art of idleness”, as my dad would put it. This is exactly what I am! I haven’t been going to the Net centers as much as I would want to because if I did I would totally feel guilty about it. Yes, that’s right, guilty! Why? Well, because I have to do and finish nine papers, study for three exams and prepare for one last report before the semester ends (and that’s two weeks away). But then, come to think of it, I haven’t really done much yet! So, now I’m wondering why I had to feel guilty over going to the Net centers, checking my Friendster, blogging, chatting, checking my email, forum hopping at Peyups and RiceBowl… I mean, with or without the Internet as a distraction, I haven’t really moved any closer to getting all the things I need to finish done anyway! Whose fault is that? Nobody’s! It all falls down to I am a freakin’ BOKELO!!!

So, anyway, here I am blogging and doing what I’ve wanted most to do these past few days. Maybe after this, I could get on with what I should have been doing for months now! I just want to get something out of my stream. This is, after all, what blogging is for, isn’t it?

A person very, very close to my heart revealed something to me that has kept me wondering and thinking. At first, it totally freaked me out and I just couldn’t believe it. But now, honestly, I am very happy for her because finally she has decided to face the truth and, in doing so, has set herself free. She is very happy now, I can feel that. I will try my best to put how she feels into this entry. The "I" will be her (i.e. "I" will try to put myself in her shoes).


Mad Love…

I am in love… again! It’s a beautiful feeling. It feels like nothing could ever break or disturb the serenity and happiness I’m feeling. It’s as if such happiness never, ever felt before is all around me that I’m almost suffocated by its powerful grip. Every single day, I am enveloped in such wonderful embrace and taken to a place where I'd love to stay forever and would willingly give anything up for. The feeling is so strong that life just stops turning the usual way it does. Everything just goes tupsy-turvy, but nothing bothers me, none at all…

I see my “beloved” in such beautiful light. I can forever look into such magical soul through those beautiful, beautiful eyes. I can forever stare at that simple, wonderful face gifted with such sweet smile. I could just get lost in all the adventure and fun such great mind promises. I could listen to that wonderful, hearty laugh for an eternity. I could forever be awed by such wit with swordlike sharpness. I could follow the person anywhere and everywhere for the rest of my life. An effect of peace, contentment and genuine happiness results from sensing the nearness of our bodies, our hearts. I could just die at this moment loving every single thing in and about such “great gift that God must have spent a little more time on”, as the Alabama song goes. Had I my way, I would just dirft away to the Place of No Return with the “beloved” as the last sight my mortal eyes would lay on. At this moment, loving the “beloved” is one of the few things that keep me going.

The “beloved” may appear to be quite your ordinary person. But, after some time and getting to know the strength and magic of such character, I know that I’ve found a treasure that could never, ever be equaled. Everything is perfect, just truly wonderful. Love is given a new and better meaning… so is life! The “beloved” is my world, my life, my everything, my whole being…

I love the way I feel. It’s as if I am finally free to fly. Life will never be the same for it has been shaken and forever altered by the power of such real/true love. I have never felt so at peace with everything in the whole universe as I do now. I have never had the chance to know such person like the “beloved”. I have never felt so strongly for someone…

I don’t care if I watch such great presence from afar. I don’t care if I never have the chance to touch, to hold such beauty. I don’t care if my love forever remains a secret. I don’t care if this, one day, passes. I don’t care if we’re of the same sex… Right now, she is my happiness… happiness beyond belief and words! :)

*** **** ***

I just hope I was able to give justice to how she feels. If she gets to read this, I would just like to say, "THIS IS FOR YOU, FRIEND! Thank you!" :)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Small Voice from Marawi

Image
Salamun 'alaykum. I am back again! This is my nth attempt to revive this blog. I hope this time I can stick to my plan and maybe post an entry once a month at the very least. Not very ambitious, but still no promises here. Oh, well.  Anyway, as my comeback entry, I'm posting on this blog the speech I read during the Philippine PEN 2017 Congress -- PEN at 60: Reaffirming the Writer's Commitment to Truth and Freedom , held at the University of Santo Tomas on November 21-22, 2017, where, together with Dr. Maimona Magayoong, Prof. Sorhaila Latip-Yusoph, and Prof. German Gervacio , I sat on the Literary Session named Tales from the War Zone: Voices of Marawi . Here's the full text of my speech: It was an ordinary, sunny MSU afternoon. I was at my office waiting for my students to submit their final requirements as that day was the deadline and, while waiting, I was listening to the songs from the musical, Grease , and I was reading random stuff on Twitter. I came
Read more

Ramadhan Kareem...

Yesterday was the first day of Ramadhan . As always, the coming of the Holy Month gave me and continues to give me a certain feeling of contentment and happiness. I always feel that Ramadhan really cleanses my whole being. I don't really know how I can explain this, but Ramadhan has never failed to give me peace of mind. This may be the effect of not thinking any "bad thought" while fasting. It makes me feel good and at peace with the world. I've said this time and again, and I'll say it once more, Ramadhan really brings out the best in me. It just feels so great. I guess I am speaking for every Muslim when I say that I am just so happy that I'm still here to enjoy Ramadhan and that I'm still strong enough to perform the obligatory sacrifice and abstinence during this month. If there's one thing that I really long for right now, it's home. I really miss home. I miss praying with my family, friends and the whole community at the King F
Read more

People don't know that...

Image
...I like guns! I'm not the type who wants to go to war or the type who approves shooting of people or anything, but I have always had this fascination with guns. And, I like them long and big! I love target shooting. I've never really done it in real target shooting ranges, but I've done shooting cans and what-have-yous in private areas/locations. I also enjoy target shooting games at arcades and fairs. There was even this one time my friend and I went to the try-outs for the UP Rifle and Pistol Team just so we could do some shooting. It was really fun and they couldn't believe when I told them that I've actually done some target shooting using real guns back home. One time, my friends and I went to this area near the lake ( Lanao ) for some fun, and one of us had a gun with him, so we started looking for cans to shoot. There weren't any other people around so it was alright. When it was my turn, as I pulled the trigger, the bullet casing flew straight
Read more

Pamamaalam at Pasasalamat sa Apo...

Image
Paalam is a very sad word. It's the Tagalog word for "goodbye" and, for some reason, I find it waaay sadder than the latter. Two nights ago, the Apo Hiking Society , my all-time favorite Filipino singing group, staged the last of their series of farewell concerts after they decided to disband after 41 years of making great music. The final concert was aptly entitled Paalam nAPO! I wasn't at the concert, not even in the one that was held in Cagayan de Oro. I had to settle for the pictures and videos posted on Facebook and Twitter . I really wanted to watch at least one concert in the series, but time and circumstance weren't on my side. I could've gone to CdO for the concert there, but I had work. I would've wanted to go to Manila and watch the final concert at the Music Museum , but, well, I didn't have that much money. The thing is, now that I think about it, it was just as well because it would've been too painful for me. It would've been t
Read more

Musicals, Musicals, Musicals and Me

Image
Last weekend, I was in Manila with my good friend/younger brother, Tomas . We went to see the musicals, Fun Home and Wicked . Personally, this is something I have always dreamed of. My Bucket List is full of Broadway and West End musicals I’d love to see before I die. My love for musicals started when I was very young. I wasn’t even in Kindergarten yet when I was introduced to the musicals- Annie , The Sound of Music , and The King and I . They were my favorites when I was small. I knew all the songs from those musicals. While my brothers loved to watch Tom and Jerry and other cartoons, I preferred musicals. Fast forward to a few years later, we were already residing in MSU Campus, I was 9 years old and in 4 th Grade, when my dad rented The Making of Miss Saigon . This was during the era of the Betamax and we used to go down to Iligan to rent films from Po Video. When I saw that documentary, I was instantly drawn to Miss Saigon and I couldn’t watch it enough. I remember that my
Read more