Weddings!
These days, I feel like I am besieged by wedding talk. Wherever I go, there's some wedding planning going on. Whether it's in the blog world or in the "real" world, wedding talk is just everywhere. I have friends who have gotten married recently and many more who are actually getting married soon. The first one for this year will be held this Saturday. Unfortunately, I can't make it as I have work the whole day. (Sorry,
It's actually pretty exciting to hear and read about friends' plans for their weddings.
From invitations to the entourage's outfit to the rings to the menu to the souvenirs and even the silverware, everything is looked into by, well, the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be (more by the bride-to-be, i think). Everything has to be perfect. And, I am wont to think that it is the bride-to-be's job to make sure everything is perfect. It is going to be her day after all.
I couldn't help but feel really, really excited as my friends (Bok, Erik,
I could only say, "Sadly, not for us..."
"Bakit?" (Why?)
"Kasi sa amin, halos hindi p'wede makialam ang ikakasal sa plans, lalo na 'yung babae. Pamilya ang nagpa-plan." (Because, for us, the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be, especially the bride-to-be, almost have no right to take part in the planning. The whole family does the planning.)
Yes, this is true. This is what's normal in my culture. The bride and groom are actually like guests in their own wedding. Oftentimes, they see the venue for the first time when they finally set foot in the place as husband and wife already. I remember when my cousin was married, we brought her to the venue the night before the big day, but we had to wait for everyone to leave first so it was way past midnight when we finally got her there. My sister-in-law and/or my brother never saw the venue for their wedding before the actual ceremony. We just told/updated them about what was done. Couples, more often than not, do not have a say as to how their wedding will go. I also remember when one of my older sisters got married, she was allowed to choose what kind of invitation they were to use. She was given this "privilege" because it was all she asked for.
Come to think of it, this is actually a good thing (well, if you ask me). I saw how stressful wedding planning could be when
Not being able to plan her own wedding is robbing a woman of one of the most exciting parts of her life, right? It's totally unfair to not have a say about your own wedding, right? Nah! How can you be excited about planning your wedding when you're so busy trying to piece together whatever little things you know about your husband-to-be and form a vivid picture of who or what he might be like? How can you even think of taking part in the planning when, after talking to him a few times (if you're allowed, that is), you don't really have a clear idea, as yet, who the person you're going to sit next to on your wedding day is and what you're going to say to him?
There won't be any need for us to concern ourselves or worry about anything for our weddings. There's but one little thing we could actually worry about and that's the groom! We can only pray and hope that our parents choose someone who would live up to our ideals or, well, at least someone we could like and actually live with. :)
Oh, and believe me, it's not as bad as I probably made it sound... really! :)
Comments
I saw a video of my Uncle's wedding in Jolo. I think it was not my new aunt's family who chose her husband. Because my uncle is a Christian, but since they love each other, they wed in a Muslim ceremony.
But I learned that there were a lot of arrangements (i.e. dowry, conversion to Islam) that were made between our family and the bride's family.
My dad told me na masaya daw. Una kainan bago ang ceremony, am i right?
It's similar to the Christian wedding kasi may bridesmaid and flower girls din. ",)
I wonder why the bride is not smiling, is it a rule not to smile because you're a woman to be wed na?
Also, the colors of the wedding are beautiful, i.e. costumes, jewelries, malongs.
",)
sa amin, una ang ceremony/rites kaysa sa pagkain. at, tama ka, meron na ring entourage pero influence na 'yon ng west. hindi traditional.:)
and, yes, the bride is USUALLY not allowed to smile. nowadays, it is accepted pero some frown upon it still. a bride should not be excited about her wedding. especially sa amin. hehehehe:)
it's good to know that you also know about all these.:)
However, I think it's GREAT for the bride to have no hand in the planning! Stress-free, surprise lahat.. pwede bang Fab Five ang magplano? He he.
hindi lang talaga sanay ang mga tao sa amin na makakita ng todo smile na bride. pwedeng ngumiti, huwag lang sobra. nachi-change na ito ngayon basically dahil sa impluwensiya ng media (at pati pagbo-boypren ay medyo unti-unti nang natatanggap sa amin). nakikita kasi natin sa telebisyon o kaya sa mga pelikula at sa iba pa na kapag may kinakasal ay para bang dapat ay tuwang-tuwa ang babae at excited na excited. pero some people fail to see kasi that it's just not like that in our culture. at, ako, mas gusto ko pa din ang mag-stick sa kaugalian dahil wala namang masama eh.:)
at, ipipilit ko pa din na walang oppression na nagaganap.:) sa bagay, iba't-ibang kultura, iba't-iba ang intindi. pero, ang masasabi at masisigurado ko ay hindi oppressive ang kultura namin sa kababaihan. promise! kung hindi, una akong magwawala! wahahahaha!;)
*mwahugs!*
imbitahin mo ako kapag kinasal ka ha. hehehe
noringai
para din silang ordinary na couple if you really think about it. whether both of them are ctholics or both of them are muslims, gnun pa rin 'yun. kung masaya sila, eh 'di, go. kung feeling nila wala nang pinatutunguhan at hindi na sila masaya, doon sila maghiwalay.:)
but as you have said, kanya-kanyang customs and traditions yan...
wishing that when you get to be married, the one they will find for you will be someone you'll truly appreciate.
mareng aloi, ako man, i love weddings. pero pagdating ng panahon na ako na, ewan ko na lang. hehehehe:)
anyway, sige imbitahan kita sakaling ikasal ako. hehehe:) siemps, malamang sa mindanao 'yun. pwede ka daan sa davao. hehehe:)
adam, good for you. hehehehe!:)
Sometimes I wish I can have that culture and tradition... I once wished for a fixed marriage, so that I'd be assured of having to get married someday... Ooops! am I begining to sound so desperate?:P
there was this time E, H and i were talking abot marraige. E was saying "o, I wanna get married in this place or that place..." and I was like "I just wanna get married period."
miss jing, i do, too.:)
mimi, in fairness, totoo. basta i get to marry someone i'll be happy with, someone i like (or even love) or can love, it doesn't matter where.:)
:D
Just to add to the getting-hitched talk [and hopefully annoy you some more WAHIHIHI], I've posted something about weddings on my blog. See you there! Miss ya, Druggie!!
P.S. You had BETTER invite me on your wedding, or else, pamakaliyon akn a ugat ka anan sa lig. Hahaha!!
ey, inikada-kadali aken seka mambo!:)
next time naa'y kaslon nga ig-agaw, pangayo'g kwarta. ay'g pasudla ang groom sa room kung dili ka matagaan ug kwarta. part of the game na siya. pero na-try na sad siguro ninyo na.:)
yes, both situations are allowed. :)