Ocean...

Ocean is the name I gave to my journal. She (yes, she's a she!) is the only one who knows me completely, inside and out. When I write in Ocean, I feel that I can truly say what I want to say without any fear of judgment or criticism. I've had Ocean since I was in high school and she has really helped me a lot. She has been (still is) a major part of my life and has always been the thing that really keeps me sane. When I feel like I don't belong in this world, that I probably am in the wrong place and time, that nobody understands me, it's only Ocean that holds me together because with her, I can just be who and what I really am and she accepts me without conditions. She is my mirror. Going through her pages helps me a lot in understanding and learning about my past self and my present self. She keeps me from anger and destruction. She saves me.

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When I read The Diary of Anne Frank for the first time back in high school, I remember finding her idea of naming her diary, Kitty, really cute. That made me want to name my journal. I wanted to choose the best word or name. For days, I thought and thought about it, but I just couldn't seem to find the perfect name or word. Then came, ocean!

Ocean has always been my favorite word. When I was a kid, I loved writing the word and looking at it for some time (yeah, i was weird like that!) because of how the word looked so "round" and cute. "Round" because if you notice, all the letters are round and/or roundish-- o, c, e, a, and n. And, I found that really cute as a kid.

Later on, when I became a teenager, the ocean started to become one of my favorite things in the world. I like the idea of an ocean because it is, for me, very inviting yet very dangerous. It promises so much adventure and thrill, fun and beauty. It could look so peaceful from where we can see it, but, underneath, so much more is happening. It's a totally different world down there and we can not see that just by looking at the ocean from afar. It's the most mysterious place for me. And, one day, I'd like to dive and see for myself all the wonders and treasures that the ocean offers.

Being in SSEAYP, where, during the program, we traveled by ship half the time, made me love the ocean more. I loved looking out to the ocean. It always relaxed me. Being in the middle of the ocean and looking at its vastness, I felt that we really are very small parts of a whole (the world). That feeling I had then made it easier for me to grasp the Taoist ideas when we discussed them later on in one of my classes. This is also why when I'm asked to relax, I immediately think of the ocean. The ocean, in one way or another, frightens me, but it also is the most interesting thing/place in the whole world for me.

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This space here is my cyber-Ocean. It's no wonder, then, that it is called The Ocean of My Being!