Reconnection and Rebirth

Summer's done! I can't believe it! Where have the days gone? Haha! It's amazing how summers feel shorter and shorter as one ages. I remember when I was a kid, summer used to last a loooong time! And then, High School came, summers became shorter. And then, college and so on! Now, summer feels like just a few days. So much to do, so little time! I guess that explains it. 

So, what have I been up to the whole summer vacation? Well, I didn't take summer classes for MA and neither did I handle summer classes in the Department or in the Pre-University Center. So, I got to relax the whole summer. Relax and reflect. I didn't go out as much I am used to, which, I think, was good for me. I basically stayed home and read. And, watched a LOT of Glee! I've been watching the series since 2009, religiously downloading episodes week after week after week. And, this summer, I got to watch all the episodes all over again and I got to go back to my favorite musical numbers done by the cast. It was fun. It was like going back to High School. 

And, speaking of High School, my High School alma mater, the Mindanao State University-Integrated Laboratory School, had its Grand Homecoming and Reunion at the beginning of the summer. That was the second week of April. It was the best homecoming ever! It was the 3rd Grand Homecoming and Reunion I got to attend and it was definitely the most fun! More alumni came and there were more activities. In my batch alone, there were about 60 of us who came. It was great reconnecting with everyone. We all had fun reminiscing all those happy times we had in High School. We saw how much we all have changed through time yet remained somehow the same as our High School selves. We were so excited to see some of our batchmates whom we didn't see since High School graduation! Though it lasted only 5 days, that's enough for us to keep going back to until the next Homecoming and Reunion three or four years from now. :)

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The highlight of my summer, though, was the 19th Iligan National Writers Workshop! In March, a very good friend of mine told me about the call for applications to this year's INWW, one of the five national writers workshops in the Philippines. Being a workshop of a national level, there's a rigorous selection process. Applicants were supposed to submit three poems, a short story or an excerpt of a novel, or a one-act play. One of the requirements was that "an applicant shall have attended a local or regional workshop before joining the INWW but this may be waived by the evaluators in meritorious cases." I thought this sentence was my way out of my friend's urging. Not counting the required class workshops I had to go through for my Creative Writing classes, in my undergrad and in my MA, I've never been to any (major) writers workshop before. I've never even submitted my work to any kind of writers workshop. But, my friend was insistent! He pointed out that there were always exemptions to the rule, plus he pointed out the second clause of the sentence. So, what could I do? He was practically coercing me, complete with threats to not talk to me ever again if I didn't do it, to submit my work.

Why did he have to resort to that? Well, I guess I'm just really a coward like that. I don't know. Much as I don't want to admit it, I am not very used to rejection. And, if it's something I really care about, I just can't handle rejection. Something like that. So, I thought about it, and since I'm a firm believer of perfect timing, I tried looking at the timing. Was it right? Was I ripe? Well, I'm not really getting any younger, am I? Does that mean it's now or never? I thought about it more, and somehow I felt I should go for it. But, I did prepare myself for rejection. There's stiff competition, one should never keep hopes too high. Que sera sera, as they say. You'll never know, you might just be the exemption. This just might be your time. Submit, I did! Right on day of the deadline!

Life went on as usual. I didn't want to think of my application and since we had the homecoming and reunion, I had my mind pretty much preoccupied. I was sleeping when I got the call in mid-April. I didn't get to read an earlier email they sent because, for some reason only God knows, the email went straight to the Spam Folder! So, they contacted me through the phone. I was told that I got picked as one of the fellows for this year's INWW! It was very difficult to stay focused on what the good woman on the other line was saying at that moment! All I wanted to do was shout, jump up and down, and call Roj, my insistent friend! But, he already knew because he had read the press release earlier. I was so happy I couldn't stay still the whole day! Haha!

Fast forward to the writers workshop proper! Everything was WOW! I learned so much, not only about writing, but about being the person that I am and about life in general. The panel was definitely a powerhouse! We had Leoncio Deriada, Antonio Enriquez, Macario Tiu, Victorio Sugbo, J. Neil Garcia, Merlie Alunan, Christine Godinez Ortega, German Gervacio, John Iremil Teodoro and Steven Patrick Fernandez. We also had Maimona Magayoong and Minang Dirmapaten Sharief as one-session guest panelists because, for the first time, there was Meranao poetry, thanks to teenaged Sittie Urdoja Magayoong, whom I am so proud of. We had 5 days full of reading, evaluation, and critiquing. God, writers workshops of this kind are not for the weak of heart, I tell you! You basically watch and listen as your baby (your literary piece/s) gets slaughtered and thrown to the Bangkerohan River as one panelist likes to say! Yes, the words sting, they do, but there's also the fact that "all this will make you a better writer." And, honestly, after everything that we've heard about our work, I'd say that we needed those words. 

Once you write and let another person read it, you are giving this person a right to trash your work. And, you cannot expect people to like what you write all the time. So, you might as well write the best way you can and hope for the best. But, most importantly, you have a responsibility. You have to make sure that you don't subject your readers to a waste of time and energy. And, whatever language you use, you have the responsibility to know it and to possess it. There are so many things to consider. And, yes, I'd still say that, ironically, the more you know about writing, the more difficult it becomes or maybe even impossible at times. But, you have to try. You have to write. You do not give up just like that. Your work may be slaughtered to pieces and thrown in the river, you don't have to drown with it. You pick the pieces up and start anew. Or you can mend what's broken so as to make it float and stay afloat.

In the application form we had to submit, there were questions that we had to answer. I'd like to share with you one of the questions and my answer. Maybe you could also try to think about your own answer.
 

1.     Why I write

      I write because writing helps me make sense of the world I live in. Writing makes me understand my life and my experiences. Writing helps me breathe in that it serves as my avenue to express my anger, my frustrations, my pains, my happiness, my triumphs. It helps me face my greatest fears, my greatest evils, and my greatest loves. It keeps me sane and grounded. In short, writing keeps me alive.

At the end of the workshop, I am sure that we all learned our lessons and we all found something new about ourselves. The new friendship, the brotherhood and sisterhood that we've forged in the workshop will be with us and in our words forever. I was telling Roj that I feel like a new-born baby after everything. And, I am. In a way. Iligan is no longer just my literal birthplace, it's also the birthplace of the new me. Doors, great doors are opened. The world awaits. And, the world out there has never looked more beautiful and promising. :)

Oh, and, please allow me to gloat a little as this doesn't happen everyday. My piece, which, by the way, is a short story entitled, "The Right Choice" won First Place in Fiction! I got the Jimmy Y. Balacuit Memorial Literary Award for Fiction! The moment they announced the title and my name, I almost fell off my chair! I really wasn't expecting anything at all. It felt great, really. The Best. Experience. Ever!!!

Alhamdulillah! (All praise be to God!)

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I would like to thank my co-fellows: Tsong Tomas Agulto (ang hari ng Quackery), Pia Montalban (ang aking bagong pusong lumalaban), Glenn Diaz (tahimik ngunit mapanganib), Phillip Kimpo (ang laging fresh na post-modern makata), Einstein Mejaro (ang wide-eyed wonderer), Ma'am Jen Garcia (ang idol kong astig), Awe Paz (ang batang madaling ma-bore), Jessrel Gilbuena (si Kuya Mukat, ang pinakaguapo at pinaka-Inggleserong BisDak balakero at hindi kamukha ni Papa P), Norman Darap (ang manunulat na nars), Jesus Insilada (ang beterano sa mga workshop), Francis Senolos (si Boy Abunda, este, ang kapatid naming palaisip na minsan ay malikot ang isip), Jepoi Javier (ang tunay na manunubos ng Davao literary circle), Kae Prias (ang talented na concrete form poet), Iryne Kaamino (my little sis, who is a living proof that nurses are not just nurses), Chomy Nale (ang budding writer-director), She-She Sumugat (ang resident good girl na hinahanap pa ang sarili), Kristen Senajon (the beauty with a gift of humor), Urdoja Magayoong (ang ariko ng bayan)! Thank you for the acceptance and the assurance! Thank you for the friendship and the love! :)

Super thanks, of course, to my "person", my younger brother, my best friend, my soulmate, my Peter Pan, my Glee cast/New Directions all rolled into one, my all-in-one manghud-- Roger Garcia! My Ramini. :)

To E1, my first reader, maraming salamat! You are so much a part of who I am now and what ever I will become. :)

And, to my ocean, you are the inspiration. You are the dream. Forever, you will always be. :)