23 December 2008
Weeee!!! Christmas break is here! Thus, I have time to write. Thank God for vacations and breaks! :)
I am actually in Manila right now. It's nice to be back again. Seeing friends and visiting places that bring back fun and wonderful moments always make me feel good and re-charged after an exhausting year. Manila may not be my favorite place, but it sure is a place that means a lot to me. The place helped me become who and what I am. I learned a lot of things from staying/living in Manila for a few years.
Whenever I come to Manila, the moment the airplane touches ground, I always have this feeling of excitement. Manila also gives me a feeling of strength and freedom, probably because it was only in Manila that I lived away from the eyes of my whole family and my people. Being in Manila makes me feel more adult than I ever feel at home. I get to decide what to do and where to go or stay most of the time, you see. Manila makes me feel independent and free. And, who doesn't like that, right?
I love home (MSU-Marawi), it's my favorite place in the world. But, sometimes, when I'm there, there'd be this tendency for me to feel somewhat like a prisoner. I mean, in almost everything I do, I need to take a lot of things in consideration. I need to think of the expectations people have of me, I need to think of my parents' and the whole family's expectation of me. I need to take in consideration my family name, my gender and my job, among other things. Sure, I have this attitude of not caring what other people will say about me, but it's a different story where I am from. People don't exactly see me as me alone, oftentimes I am seen as my whole family, as my whole clan. And, that sometimes is too much pressure. And, most of the time, at 28 years old, I'm still seen as a 5-year-old little girl.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love my life at home. It's much less complicated than the life I have had here in Manila. Sometimes, too much freedom and independence only makes matters worse. I can say that from experience.
Having stayed in Manila for a while toughened me and made me realize a lot of things about the real world. I came face to face with reality. I saw how cruel the world can be, and how, if you don't try to beat others, you'll end up beat up! I realized the importance and the beauty of knowing how to stand on your own feet. But, coming back home and staying there also made me realize the importance of being with family and how, sometimes, it's really better to have people check on you and care about what you do. Because of this, I understand life better. There should be balance between independence and dependence, between freedom and limitation. After all, we can't just live for ourselves alone, right? But, we can't live our lives for others either!
I love how I'm learning the value of things in my life. I'm thankful for the experiences I've had, that taught me so much. I can't say I've had the best of two worlds, but, at least, I've had a taste of both worlds. And, that's enough. That has equipped me for future experiences.
Life is good. Yes, life is good!
Happy holidays, everyone! :)
Updated December 24, 2008 (9:41 AM)...
Last December 18th was this blog's 5th anniversary! Weeee! :)