23 January 2013
How's 2013 treating you so far? I hope all's well with all of you and I hope more blessings come to everyone of us as the days of the year pass. So far, everything's been good from my side. I've gotten sick, but I'm better now and ready to rock and roll! Haha! Happy rockin' and rollin' in 2013, my friends! :)
It's already 5:11 am in my watch and I haven't slept a wink yet. I don't know. Sleep hasn't been very nice to me lately. I guess I overslept when I got sick so my body is making up for all those times I lost oversleeping and all! I'm awake more than usual these days and I've been busy trying to come up with topics I could work on as I trudge through my graduate classes this semester. Two important papers are due this weekend and, honestly, all I've done is think of interesting topics and write five (three for the first one, two for the other one) different introductory parts! Being so interested in a certain thing sometimes makes it so difficult to write about it because there are just so many things you want to write and explore about, but, of course, research and academic writing holds you down to a specific area or aspect. And, on this specific area or aspect you should focus and set your scope and limitation! And, for the scatter-brain that I have been these days, it's just difficult to focus! Dang! But, I will do it! This Saturday, I must submit these requirements! And, I will! So, hold your horses, Othello, I will conquer you!
Another thing that's been keeping me awake these days are words. Words are haunting me. Every time I close my eyes to sleep, words, beautiful and otherwise, come rushing to me and threaten to drown me. My mind would overflow with things I want to declare! My mind would go to lands and times only I know and meet both familiar and unfamiliar people living in these lands and times. These people haunt me, too. I look out of the jeepney or bus window and I see them. I look over to the next table at the restaurant and I see them. There is just no getting away from them. Some of these people and these places, I can tell you about. Some of them, though, I can't bring myself to talk about. Even if these ones are the most familiar, the closest to my heart. I can't say so much about them as I need to protect them from you and you from them. The hardest part is that the more I keep mum about these ghosts, the more I lose myself. They scare me as much as you all scare me sometimes. But, I can't talk about them. I just can't. Not yet. So, I'll keep them locked up even if this means that I'm locking myself up with them. I need to keep them where they can reach only one soul. Mine.
One day, I'll probably learn to talk about these places, these times and these people. One day, I could probably set them free, no, not to haunt others, but to set others free. One day, I'll probably stop fighting them. But, until then, I'll stick to talking about those who are less closer and familiar to me, those who cannot hurt me or anyone else. And, when that one day comes, I'll be able to breathe freely and sleep soundly. No more nightmares; no more ghosts. Just freedom. For me. For all of us.
I guess that's enough sharing for now. I probably didn't make any sense to you, huh? I can explain. But, not now. Not yet.