29 March 2004
I am so sad right now. Early in the morning the day before yesterday (about 2:30), we went to take our dorm-mate, Naonao, to the airport. We wanted to keep her company in her last few hours here in Manila (for the time being). God only knows when we’ll all see her again. It was one of those moments when you just wish time would stop. It was one of those moments where you, with a heavy heart, reluctantly face one of life's most cruel realities- that nothing really lasts forever. Forgive my being too sentimental about this… It’s just that I feel like a chapter in my life has ended with our dear Naonao's leaving.
Naonao is, or I should say was, a dorm-mate. Her room was just across mine. We didn’t really become “friendly friends” until after her first semester of stay in the dorm. It’s funny every time we think about it. The first time we “really” talked was one night when the lights (power) in her room didn’t work and she had to study for an exam. What she did was she kept her door open and studied on the floor, just by the door, the whole night. Seeing her, I decided to sit and join her. We got to talking and soon, we were there just laughing our heads off. That was the beginning of our friendship.
From then on, Naonao and I always took lunch and dinner together. She would jokingly say, “You’ll never eat alone.” That statement would basically tell you what kind of person she is. She’s the kind who would stick by you and stay with you at all times. I have always had a hard time sleeping at night, so what she would do is join me and try her best to keep her sleepy eyes from closing. She would listen to me rant, rave, whine and just plain complain about anything and everything. She would laugh at my jokes as if they were the funniest she’s ever heard. She never failed to boost my confidence whenever I felt low. She never failed to make me (us) laugh with her cute antics, cool dance steps, and wild ideas. She never failed to amaze me (us) with her great talent, immense patience and great ability in learning new things. Even if she was hurt and mad at somebody, the most she would do is cry herself to sleep. She really showed how and what it was to be a real friend! In the short time that we were together, she became no less than a confidante, a bosom friend, a sister…
She decided to take a Leave of Absence from her college, after a year of studying, and try her luck in the “real” outside world. She went back to where her heart really was. She went home and I know that she will be happiest there. As for me, I know dorm life will never ever be the same without her, but life goes on. Yeah, I am still sad and I still cry... But, right now, I choose to be happy! :)
23 March 2004
I am 24 today!
I don’t really have anything in mind to write about today. I mean, every time I try to think of something decent to write, my mind goes totally academic and all (Yeah right, I wish!). This is because I have my mind totally bent on finishing all the things I need to write and finish this semester! I do not want to have anymore INCs, for God’s sake! Once and for all, I think I have learned my lesson!:)
So, what I’m going to do instead is post on this blog something (part of a long and very personal ‘essay’) that I wrote for the very person who means the whole world to me… MY MOM! I wrote this on her 58th birthday. And, today, as I celebrate my 24th birthday, I think it is best that I honor the person responsible for my coming into this world. She is, after all, the person I most look up to and I most want to be like.
To the very best mom in the whole world, this is for you…
December 12, 2003
December 12… Today is the birthday of a very important and special person… Fifty-eight wonderful years ago, in 1945, a cute, little baby girl was born. She was the first daughter of her parents and was truly a gift from God Almighty. She was named Potre. This little girl came to be one of the brainiest among her peers and contemporaries. She made clear the expressions “small, but terrible” and “girl power”. She was loved and respected by everyone around her. She grew up to be one of the most respected, well-loved, most intelligent women in her place… one of the few women to have made a difference… the first Meranao woman CPA… the best wife a man could have and wish for… the best mother a child can have and ask for… MY MOTHER!!!
My mother is the strongest person I know. What with all the pains, heartaches, disappointments, frustrations, and ‘sufferings’ she has gone through, she has remained steadfast and untainted. She makes the world a better place by showering love and that beautiful, beautiful smile that she always flashes all around her. She is not perfect, for no one is perfect, but she truly is close to being perfect. She’s beautiful, hard-working, intelligent, honest, wise, endowed with leadership, and good-hearted. She really is the best!
She wants me to be the best in the world and I do, too (who doesn’t?). She wants me to dream big and follow all my dreams to reality. She wants me to go to places she never had the chance to go to. And, the last thing I want in this world is to fail her. She gives me hope, strength and courage. She is my life and my soul. Every time I’d feel like giving up, I’d only have to think and reflect on my mother for a few minutes and I realize that I just cannot, must not give up. I definitely cannot fail her. It’s the only thing I can give her after everything that she’s given me (us).
I believe that now is the time for me to start giving her back, even in the littlest way, the things that she gave up for me (us). I should work as hard as I could if only to make her smile and proudly say, “My baby… that is my daughter who makes me truly happy.” There is nothing in this world that I want more than to give my mother and father happiness and pride. To give them back the love that they have given us and do anything and everything for them are my most important missions in life. My success will be theirs. All my work and achievement were, are and will forever be for them. This is the only way I know how to repay them. Not that I have to repay them or anything, but still, I know and feel that I owe them everything… I owe them my life… especially my mother.
For her, I will be the best that I can be… For her, I will strive until I reach the top… For her, I will do my best in every endeavor I undertake. I will summon the stars and moon and reach out to them until I could touch them with my fingers and present them to the world and to my mother most importantly. For her, I will live, love and enjoy this world. For her, I will be the most beautiful person. For her, I will give all. And, at the end of it all, I shall smile, with my mother, to and at the world and sing in my loudest, merriest voice. I do everything and live for her mainly… then for the rest of my family and my people… and then, for myself.
20 March 2004
Mad as mad can be, so they say,
I breezed through this, my journey
Not one thing ever I noticed, nay!
Alas! Things I saw not, a many.
Life is lived as lived, so they say,
Yes, I know at this time and way.
Ne’er shall come the old nor the day!
Love from Afar
No love can ever be more true
As I love all that is you!
Oh, those eyes, those lips! God!
My love, all stops with you near.
I look at you- your face, what joy!
Joy that is incomparable to
Any that the mortal Earth gives,
Nothing breaks such feeling of magic-
Even as I watch you from afar.
Heavy rains and thunder pounded all around,
through and through;
“Evil broke lose,” my child mind could but whisper
to the wind.
Rough roads and rocks, I went through when from safety
I came about;
My strong weakness oft almost beating out what seemed
like weak strength.
Ah, but nay! After the cats-and-dogs, the rainbow
came for me!
14 March 2004
Bokelo… This is the Meranao word for “lazy” or someone who “masters the art of idleness”, as my dad would put it. This is exactly what I am! I haven’t been going to the Net centers as much as I would want to because if I did I would totally feel guilty about it. Yes, that’s right, guilty! Why? Well, because I have to do and finish nine papers, study for three exams and prepare for one last report before the semester ends (and that’s two weeks away). But then, come to think of it, I haven’t really done much yet! So, now I’m wondering why I had to feel guilty over going to the Net centers, checking my Friendster, blogging, chatting, checking my email, forum hopping at Peyups and RiceBowl… I mean, with or without the Internet as a distraction, I haven’t really moved any closer to getting all the things I need to finish done anyway! Whose fault is that? Nobody’s! It all falls down to I am a freakin’ BOKELO!!!
So, anyway, here I am blogging and doing what I’ve wanted most to do these past few days. Maybe after this, I could get on with what I should have been doing for months now! I just want to get something out of my stream. This is, after all, what blogging is for, isn’t it?
A person very, very close to my heart revealed something to me that has kept me wondering and thinking. At first, it totally freaked me out and I just couldn’t believe it. But now, honestly, I am very happy for her because finally she has decided to face the truth and, in doing so, has set herself free. She is very happy now, I can feel that. I will try my best to put how she feels into this entry. The "I" will be her (i.e. "I" will try to put myself in her shoes).
I am in love… again! It’s a beautiful feeling. It feels like nothing could ever break or disturb the serenity and happiness I’m feeling. It’s as if such happiness never, ever felt before is all around me that I’m almost suffocated by its powerful grip. Every single day, I am enveloped in such wonderful embrace and taken to a place where I'd love to stay forever and would willingly give anything up for. The feeling is so strong that life just stops turning the usual way it does. Everything just goes tupsy-turvy, but nothing bothers me, none at all…
I see my “beloved” in such beautiful light. I can forever look into such magical soul through those beautiful, beautiful eyes. I can forever stare at that simple, wonderful face gifted with such sweet smile. I could just get lost in all the adventure and fun such great mind promises. I could listen to that wonderful, hearty laugh for an eternity. I could forever be awed by such wit with swordlike sharpness. I could follow the person anywhere and everywhere for the rest of my life. An effect of peace, contentment and genuine happiness results from sensing the nearness of our bodies, our hearts. I could just die at this moment loving every single thing in and about such “great gift that God must have spent a little more time on”, as the Alabama song goes. Had I my way, I would just dirft away to the Place of No Return with the “beloved” as the last sight my mortal eyes would lay on. At this moment, loving the “beloved” is one of the few things that keep me going.
The “beloved” may appear to be quite your ordinary person. But, after some time and getting to know the strength and magic of such character, I know that I’ve found a treasure that could never, ever be equaled. Everything is perfect, just truly wonderful. Love is given a new and better meaning… so is life! The “beloved” is my world, my life, my everything, my whole being…
I love the way I feel. It’s as if I am finally free to fly. Life will never be the same for it has been shaken and forever altered by the power of such real/true love. I have never felt so at peace with everything in the whole universe as I do now. I have never had the chance to know such person like the “beloved”. I have never felt so strongly for someone…
I don’t care if I watch such great presence from afar. I don’t care if I never have the chance to touch, to hold such beauty. I don’t care if my love forever remains a secret. I don’t care if this, one day, passes. I don’t care if we’re of the same sex… Right now, she is my happiness… happiness beyond belief and words! :)
*** **** ***
I just hope I was able to give justice to how she feels. If she gets to read this, I would just like to say, "THIS IS FOR YOU, FRIEND! Thank you!" :)