Bokelo...


Bokelo… This is the Meranao word for “lazy” or someone who “masters the art of idleness”, as my dad would put it. This is exactly what I am! I haven’t been going to the Net centers as much as I would want to because if I did I would totally feel guilty about it. Yes, that’s right, guilty! Why? Well, because I have to do and finish nine papers, study for three exams and prepare for one last report before the semester ends (and that’s two weeks away). But then, come to think of it, I haven’t really done much yet! So, now I’m wondering why I had to feel guilty over going to the Net centers, checking my Friendster, blogging, chatting, checking my email, forum hopping at Peyups and RiceBowl… I mean, with or without the Internet as a distraction, I haven’t really moved any closer to getting all the things I need to finish done anyway! Whose fault is that? Nobody’s! It all falls down to I am a freakin’ BOKELO!!!

So, anyway, here I am blogging and doing what I’ve wanted most to do these past few days. Maybe after this, I could get on with what I should have been doing for months now! I just want to get something out of my stream. This is, after all, what blogging is for, isn’t it?

A person very, very close to my heart revealed something to me that has kept me wondering and thinking. At first, it totally freaked me out and I just couldn’t believe it. But now, honestly, I am very happy for her because finally she has decided to face the truth and, in doing so, has set herself free. She is very happy now, I can feel that. I will try my best to put how she feels into this entry. The "I" will be her (i.e. "I" will try to put myself in her shoes).


Mad Love…

I am in love… again! It’s a beautiful feeling. It feels like nothing could ever break or disturb the serenity and happiness I’m feeling. It’s as if such happiness never, ever felt before is all around me that I’m almost suffocated by its powerful grip. Every single day, I am enveloped in such wonderful embrace and taken to a place where I'd love to stay forever and would willingly give anything up for. The feeling is so strong that life just stops turning the usual way it does. Everything just goes tupsy-turvy, but nothing bothers me, none at all…

I see my “beloved” in such beautiful light. I can forever look into such magical soul through those beautiful, beautiful eyes. I can forever stare at that simple, wonderful face gifted with such sweet smile. I could just get lost in all the adventure and fun such great mind promises. I could listen to that wonderful, hearty laugh for an eternity. I could forever be awed by such wit with swordlike sharpness. I could follow the person anywhere and everywhere for the rest of my life. An effect of peace, contentment and genuine happiness results from sensing the nearness of our bodies, our hearts. I could just die at this moment loving every single thing in and about such “great gift that God must have spent a little more time on”, as the Alabama song goes. Had I my way, I would just dirft away to the Place of No Return with the “beloved” as the last sight my mortal eyes would lay on. At this moment, loving the “beloved” is one of the few things that keep me going.

The “beloved” may appear to be quite your ordinary person. But, after some time and getting to know the strength and magic of such character, I know that I’ve found a treasure that could never, ever be equaled. Everything is perfect, just truly wonderful. Love is given a new and better meaning… so is life! The “beloved” is my world, my life, my everything, my whole being…

I love the way I feel. It’s as if I am finally free to fly. Life will never be the same for it has been shaken and forever altered by the power of such real/true love. I have never felt so at peace with everything in the whole universe as I do now. I have never had the chance to know such person like the “beloved”. I have never felt so strongly for someone…

I don’t care if I watch such great presence from afar. I don’t care if I never have the chance to touch, to hold such beauty. I don’t care if my love forever remains a secret. I don’t care if this, one day, passes. I don’t care if we’re of the same sex… Right now, she is my happiness… happiness beyond belief and words! :)

*** **** ***

I just hope I was able to give justice to how she feels. If she gets to read this, I would just like to say, "THIS IS FOR YOU, FRIEND! Thank you!" :)

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