I am a killer!!!


One night, I was comfortably lying in bed, totally engrossed in a book, when in the silence I suddenly heard the soft sound of wings flapping. Knowing it was some insect or worse a flying cockroach, I quickly jumped out of bed armed with my Baygon (insect-killing formula)! I stood still waiting for the thing to make its presence felt again. It felt like time stood very still with me. And then, suddenly, I heard it again so I jumped and sprayed like crazy. The thing was actually a really big bug that looked very much like a cockroach.

Relieved when I saw it fall to the floor, I slowly went to take a closer look. I saw that the thing was on its back with all its feet (3 pairs) raised up to the air as if begging for help. As I got closer, I noticed that it was actually struggling and fighting for dear life. I felt really sorry but it was too late, I've already sprayed (too much, too) on it and it was slowly dying.

I continued looking at the little thing because, for some unknown reason, I couldn't get my eyes off it. One by one, its feet stopped moving (right side first and then left side). As the last of its feet stopped moving, my heart went out to the poor thing. I was so sorry I felt like crying. I don't know, but I really felt scared as well. I wanted to give it a decent burial and all, if that was the only thing I could do to actually show how sorry I was. It wasn't really the first time I've ever spray-killed an insect or anything, but it was the first time I ever had something die right before my eyes. And, it was such a slow death, too.

I picked it up with a tissue paper and threw it out as I knew I couldn't really dig up a grave for it. I couldn't focus on my book any longer for all I could think of were those little legs/feet and that little buzzing sound it made that, in my ears, sounded like "Murderer! You're a murderer!" I fell asleep conscience-stricken and with thoughts of death. I actually cried myself to sleep that night. :(

The next morning, I woke up to a nice, new day. I went on my usual routine without any thought of my "crime" the night before. It was another ordinary day. That night, before going to bed, I started spraying again... this time with not even a shred of remorse. Spraying assured me safety and protection because all the wretched insects would have died when I finally got in bed! This 'act of killing', which made me feel so bad just the night before, gave me satisfaction that particular night. "To protect myself, I will (have to) kill..."

"Real killers" probably go through the same thing, I guess. Or do they?


Comments

Unknown said…
I sometimes feel sorry for those bugs that pests me at night...sometimes I find it funny :D. How are you?
BabyPink said…
teacher sol! what a funny coincidence! i just came from your blog. hehehehe:)

i'm fine po, thanks.:) maganda pa rin.;)
Patrick said…
how sad! sa amin dami cockroach pero pinapatay nila ....
Baby Rockstar said…
KAKABAAAA!!! So tig iran sa Tagalog a: "Kakaba ka ba?" Hahaha.
BabyPink said…
trickmeister, ikaw ba pumapatay din?:)

druggie, ah na, oo... kakaba ka ba ako?! ano ba ang iniibig mong sabihin, ha?
*(very thick) meranao accent*

wahihihi!:)
Jillsabs said…
ako walang remorse. kill them all!
Anonymous said…
ako, kaya ko pumatay ng ipis. di ko kaya ang butiki at daga! yuckie yun!

- noringai
Patio Princess said…
hahaha! you are so cute!
BabyPink said…
jillsabs, medyo ganyan naman din ako basta ba huwag ko makita ang unti-unti nilang pagkamatay!:)

noringai, tama ka! yucky nga 'yun at mas mbaho pa! yech!

rhy, why thanks, dear.:)
Toni said…
Ay kahit dying slowly before my eyes ang mga ipis, dedma. Nuisance sila. May benefit ba ever binigay ang ipis sa mundong ito? Wala!
Dr. Emer said…
You have a gentle heart, Baby Pink.

Since you love reading, I recommend you read Kafka's Metamorphosis. It is a short story guaranteed to give you another perspective on insects. ;)

Ingat!

Tag-ulan na kasi kaya madaming insects....
BabyPink said…
liz, most people don't. i don't either. except for that one time.:)

toni, naku, ewan ko sis. noon kasing pinapanood ko habang unti-unti tumitigil ang bawat parte ng kanyang katawan sa paggalaw at niisip ko ang kanyang struggle to stay alive, naiyak na lang ako... dapat talaga, hindi ko na mapanood 'yun!:) at alam mo ba na some people use something from the cockroach as medicine? at sa taiwan, may canned cockroaches. yucky 'di ba? pero 'yun at 'yung malilinis na cockroach, not the ones we have. ehehehe:)

doc emer, oo nga. tama kayo mas marami ngang insekto ngayon.:) i've encountered that book (story) na pero hindi ko pa nabasa talaga.:)
yusop said…
It was such a gory murder scene, with so much tell-tale signs within the crime scene.

Perhaps, you just expounded by way of syllogism how the mind of a killer runs while the act is underway.
S.T.P.Peralta said…
hahaha! ako k when i kill roaches kay i really step on them (kanang kusog jd) pra diretso ma dead - dont want to see them struggle - hehehe! ang mga real killers kay dont kill to protect themselves - ganahan lng cla magpatay-patay!!!!
Balbonics said…
Well, I don't really recommend Baygon... unless suicide killer ka pala, hehe. Para sayo, Death by Chocolate; sasabayan pa kita.

But I agree w/ the Doc, you have a gentle heart. Like me! At huwag kang kokontra!!!!
BabyPink said…
major tom, perhaps...:) and, come to think about it, it was a gory crime scene! waaaah!

lanee girl, mas maayo nang diretso ba! wa na'y looy-looy pang involved!:)

balbs, naku, suicide killer... naalala ko tuloy ang mga suicide bombers! masaya 'yang death by chocolate lalo't may kasabay! hehehe:) sige, hindi ako kokontra. basta, mana sa akin si sadie!:)
bing said…
babypink, sabi nga nila, it is always difficult when it is your first time he he

i remember one of my classmates way back in college, nang papatayin na yung ipis (as in aapakan na ng kasama namin) pinigilan ba naman! dahil yun daw ay nilikha rin ng Diyos...
Patrick said…
ngaks! di ako pumapatay! hehehe ... i just leave them to live ;)
Patrick said…
ngaks! di ako pumapatay! hehehe ... i just leave them to live ;)
Patrick said…
ngaks! di ako pumapatay! hehehe ... i just leave them to live ;)
Dilip Mutum said…
I am a vegetarian and can't bear to see animals being killed but I am quite heartless with cockroaches - I just squash them.
BabyPink said…
bing, my point siya. hehehe:)

trick, good for you!:)

adam, i think it's better that way. i mean, not having them die a slo death right before your eye!:)
Hany (via SMS) said…
This story reminded me of my own experience when i hear sounds of slow steps on the walls!! That even if i am already in the middle of my good dreams i'd really get back to consciousness and hastily get up and get something to protect myself from them! Haha! Like am put in a battlefield against spartans!

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