My Best Friend's Wedding...


My bestfriend's wedding... I am on stage reading poetry. Her favorite piece 'If Love'! Yes, that is totally perfect for her wedding. I give my best performance. After all, this is a once in a lifetime event! Then, I am reading one of her own poems. God, she is a wonderful writer. What a way with words! I'm crying... crying tears of joy for my best friend.

Oh, I couldn't be happier for my best friend. She's end up with the person she loves most and who loves her so much in return. She's sure to be happy with this man, who's a good friend of mine as well. Their smiles show so much joy, peace and love. It takes me a few minutes before I could go on with my reading... I couldn't stop staring at them. Their happiness oozing out and infecting every single person in close proximity with them. They're a really beautiful couple. My best friend, in her beautiful, snowy white gown, and her groom in his antique white tuxedo... As they march down the aisle leading to where they would sit down to be watched and observed by acquaintances, friends, and relatives... I catch my bestfriend's eye and give her a happy wink, to which she answered with a little smile. Ah, that very sincere smile! This day will be unforgettable, I know it!

A few hours after, we are sitting in my best friend's room, which would serve as their conjugal room from now on. Along with our other 'kadas, we joke around and remember all the things we have been through. Oh, are these tears I feel coming again? Damn, just when everybody is flowing with genuine happiness and laughter, I have to cry! One by one, my friends begin to cry, too... And then, my best friend is crying, too! Oh, we are all so happy, yet a little bit sad at the same time. This day marks a change in all our lives. Nothing will ever be the same.

Now, don't get me wrong here... It's not that I don't want my best friend to be married or anything. It's just that now that she's married, she would have to act like all married women. There will be more responsibility. She won't have time to goof around with us anymore. We will never be able to snuggle as if we, ourselves, were lovers. There would no longer be talks until the wee hours of the night. There won't be texting until dawn, even if we were lying on the same bed, so our other 'kadas wouldn't know or find out about our secrets. There will never be moments like this... just sitting around laughing unmindful of what is happening or what the boyfriend says.

This day marks the time I will lose, in a way, my best friend. She will be moving on to a world where I am not welcome, a world that I can not understand, at least not yet! It will be as if she would become a totally new person. She would have to start looking at and approaching life in a different way, a more serious way. She wouldn't find things that we used to laugh so much about hilarious anymore. She would start seeing things that were never there before or things that we never really saw or refused to see. She would, in short, be in another universe. And, I will remain where I am until God knows when!

Call me selfish, but this is what I'm feeling right now. I'm afraid that this day will take my best friend away from me. True, I am really happy for her, but, I can't seem to get rid of this fear, this hateful feeling I have right now. Honestly, I might be wrong about it. Maybe nothing will change. Maybe everything will be the same as before (oh, I doubt it!). Yeah, maybe... I still can't stop my blasted mind from thinking about these things!

And, being stuck here doesn't help at all. I'm here in front of this freakin' monitor typing this (that I may in the future laugh about). While my bestfriend is back home getting married, I am here wishing and just completely lost in my thoughts... I was supposed to be part of the entourage. I am here feeling sadder than I have ever been.

Today is my best friend's wedding... and, I couldn't be there!!! :(


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