Writer's block...


I am here... just staring at the monitor, my brain so full of ideas and many other things.

I begin to feel something indescribable. My brain... oh, my brain has just burst into a million bits! And, now, one by one, these bits from my poor brain struggle, crawl and move towards one another trying to find their place, where they could be accepted. Then, finally, they turn into one single body.

And, suddenly, I'm back just staring at the monitor not exactly knowing what to say or what to write.

I really have a problem with starting to write. It has always been my issue. I have millions and millions of ideas and thoughts, but as soon as I sit down and start to write... poof! Everything is gone before I even realize what's happening. And then, I go back at wondering, thinking. Why? I always ask myself. Why do words escape me when I need them most? Is it because I am poor at expressing myself? Is it because I am scared, too damned scared of my thoughts? Maybe it's a combination of the two or even more. God, I wish I knew...

There are times I try to write, but before I could finish what I'm writing I end up crying and never really get around to finish things. Sure, I've written some things that are, well, quite good, but nothing really as brilliant or substantial as I want it to be. Though, I've tried and tried and tried. Maybe I just expect too much of myself. Maybe I'm just too emotional to be writing. Maybe I just am not cut for writing. Or am I just suffering from a severe case of writer's block this morning? ;)


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Small Voice from Marawi

Image
Salamun 'alaykum. I am back again! This is my nth attempt to revive this blog. I hope this time I can stick to my plan and maybe post an entry once a month at the very least. Not very ambitious, but still no promises here. Oh, well.  Anyway, as my comeback entry, I'm posting on this blog the speech I read during the Philippine PEN 2017 Congress -- PEN at 60: Reaffirming the Writer's Commitment to Truth and Freedom , held at the University of Santo Tomas on November 21-22, 2017, where, together with Dr. Maimona Magayoong, Prof. Sorhaila Latip-Yusoph, and Prof. German Gervacio , I sat on the Literary Session named Tales from the War Zone: Voices of Marawi . Here's the full text of my speech: It was an ordinary, sunny MSU afternoon. I was at my office waiting for my students to submit their final requirements as that day was the deadline and, while waiting, I was listening to the songs from the musical, Grease , and I was reading random stuff on Twitter. I came
Read more

People don't know that...

Image
...I like guns! I'm not the type who wants to go to war or the type who approves shooting of people or anything, but I have always had this fascination with guns. And, I like them long and big! I love target shooting. I've never really done it in real target shooting ranges, but I've done shooting cans and what-have-yous in private areas/locations. I also enjoy target shooting games at arcades and fairs. There was even this one time my friend and I went to the try-outs for the UP Rifle and Pistol Team just so we could do some shooting. It was really fun and they couldn't believe when I told them that I've actually done some target shooting using real guns back home. One time, my friends and I went to this area near the lake ( Lanao ) for some fun, and one of us had a gun with him, so we started looking for cans to shoot. There weren't any other people around so it was alright. When it was my turn, as I pulled the trigger, the bullet casing flew straight
Read more

Ramadhan Kareem...

Yesterday was the first day of Ramadhan . As always, the coming of the Holy Month gave me and continues to give me a certain feeling of contentment and happiness. I always feel that Ramadhan really cleanses my whole being. I don't really know how I can explain this, but Ramadhan has never failed to give me peace of mind. This may be the effect of not thinking any "bad thought" while fasting. It makes me feel good and at peace with the world. I've said this time and again, and I'll say it once more, Ramadhan really brings out the best in me. It just feels so great. I guess I am speaking for every Muslim when I say that I am just so happy that I'm still here to enjoy Ramadhan and that I'm still strong enough to perform the obligatory sacrifice and abstinence during this month. If there's one thing that I really long for right now, it's home. I really miss home. I miss praying with my family, friends and the whole community at the King F
Read more

Pamamaalam at Pasasalamat sa Apo...

Image
Paalam is a very sad word. It's the Tagalog word for "goodbye" and, for some reason, I find it waaay sadder than the latter. Two nights ago, the Apo Hiking Society , my all-time favorite Filipino singing group, staged the last of their series of farewell concerts after they decided to disband after 41 years of making great music. The final concert was aptly entitled Paalam nAPO! I wasn't at the concert, not even in the one that was held in Cagayan de Oro. I had to settle for the pictures and videos posted on Facebook and Twitter . I really wanted to watch at least one concert in the series, but time and circumstance weren't on my side. I could've gone to CdO for the concert there, but I had work. I would've wanted to go to Manila and watch the final concert at the Music Museum , but, well, I didn't have that much money. The thing is, now that I think about it, it was just as well because it would've been too painful for me. It would've been t
Read more

Musicals, Musicals, Musicals and Me

Image
Last weekend, I was in Manila with my good friend/younger brother, Tomas . We went to see the musicals, Fun Home and Wicked . Personally, this is something I have always dreamed of. My Bucket List is full of Broadway and West End musicals I’d love to see before I die. My love for musicals started when I was very young. I wasn’t even in Kindergarten yet when I was introduced to the musicals- Annie , The Sound of Music , and The King and I . They were my favorites when I was small. I knew all the songs from those musicals. While my brothers loved to watch Tom and Jerry and other cartoons, I preferred musicals. Fast forward to a few years later, we were already residing in MSU Campus, I was 9 years old and in 4 th Grade, when my dad rented The Making of Miss Saigon . This was during the era of the Betamax and we used to go down to Iligan to rent films from Po Video. When I saw that documentary, I was instantly drawn to Miss Saigon and I couldn’t watch it enough. I remember that my
Read more